"So afraid she'll awake to find she's all alone"

I doubt anyone will read this. I'm sure people have stopped reading this blog, seeing as i haven't posted in so damn long. I think that's a very good thing.

I met Ema and Ruairi.
it was amazing
but it just made me realise, how fucking much i miss them. That's not a good thing.
Nothing has ever hurt so bad.
nothing i can remember anyway

i've realised i'm terrified of change. I could just say i'm terrified of losing people i love, of being alone, of growing up, but it's all change.
Hannah said to me the other day "The only permant thing in your life is change." That really really scared me, cause it's true i guess.
I feel misunderstood. and alone. quite pathetic aswell really.

And old habit seems to have popped up recently. I'm not too sure what i feel about that.

I'm not really too sure what to think about Dan's situation either. I'm terrified for him. I want him to be okay. So, so badly. Please try and talk to them Dan. I promise, it will help.

I love Counting Crows. They write extremely amazing lyrics.

I want to re-live today. I do but i don't. It's made me really really sad. I wonder what the point is in my even being here.

I have reached new-lows in my absence of self confidence. I just find myself comparing myself to others and telling myself how i could be better, like i'm always in competition with other people. and myself. mainly myself. I'm not sure i like myself too much. Maybe i should fix that...but that would mean change...which should be avoided at all costs...

*shrugs*
this blog is pointless.

I have lost all ways of expressing myself. And all ability of talking to someone.

Kayle is really, really happy. I'm jealous of him. I don't know why i'm not happy. i just don't feel very happy right now.

whatever