Why the fuck are you talking to me about hot girls. why do you tell me you don't care if i cut and don't eat enough. why do you tell me it's my choice, why do you say you understand that you're going to fast but then you try to put your hands in my bra. I DONT CARE IF THEY'RE JUST "Eye candy" i don't fucking tell you when i see a really hot guy. you don't care, you're going to fast, you don't listen to me, you jsut wanna fuck me, you say "shit happens love, deal with it" so why the fuck is it that i like you? i don't even love you now. i wish you would see everything. you always think evreything is fine. the only reason i haven't stopped everything is becuase your friend matt is lovely and i don't want him to be mad at me, and i've told loads of people about you, and i don't want to have to explain.

you always say things at thewrong time, when i drop hints abuot being unhappy but then say i'm fine and want you to notice, you never do. i don't even fucking know anymore. i don't even fucking know.

Writing for yourself

Okay, so i'm writing for myself.

I think i love Willem. i feel a lot for him. we kissed, that felt good but not fantastic. i had this kinda attraction to it though, i wasn't 100% pleased with how it felt, but i wanted to do it more and more. the one thing is, i don't want a boyfriend who says "Shit happens love, deal with it :)"

i want someone who cares. i don't know. i can't string him along. but whatever. he felt my arse and my chest which felt fantastic.

i told fay about my self harm and i hope she doesn't tell anyone.

This year at school i am going to try my hardest. i did my biology homework last night, well part of it, which is something new becuase usually i leave it until the night before, and i mean like 11pm the night before.

i'm not sure how i feel about my self harm. i want to do it. i thik i do anyway. i want something to fill the hole that food is no longer allowed to fill. meh. i dont know realy


i like Matt.

i want breakfast.