a rant.

This is outside an art gallery in Italy. I just liked it, i thought it was something different.

What was meant to be a good day has turned out to be a pretty big bummer.
My mum is just pissing me off so much recently. Just shouting at me for everything, for the most stupid little things, and then i was just on my computer, and she jsut walks in without saying anything, without knocking, sits down on my bed and starts painting her nails. and i'm just sat there looking at her like "wtf are you doing, get out my room" and she just carries on. and then she starts talking to me. and then she starts questioning me on why i want to go to Manc with Cat next week cause i don't normally go iwth cat and it's like fuck off. she won't let me be friends with Cat bcuase Cat is too close to Rachel and i'm not allowed to be friends with Rahel becuase she's a lesbian,and becuase i ran away to Cardiff with her (which is understandable, but why can't i be friends with Cat - i'm giong with her not Rach!)
She was questioning me about it all and she was like "You are not telling me you will go to Manchester, just you and Cat, and she won't bring any of her 'unsavouries' with her?" i was like OMG GET OUT BEFORE I FUCKING SCREAM.

i've really had enough of her recently. i can feel myself getting more and more wound up by her all the time. She lets me have NO privacy whatsoever and it annoys the hell out of me. She has to "choose" my friends. I'm not allowed to be friends with certain people, i'm not allowed to do this with a certain person or that with someone else. it's like Jesus Christ am i living my life or yours? She's just turned into my gran and i know she will fucking hate that but she completely has. She's so over-protective of me, every fucking other person who has a life is out all the fucking time and i'm only allowed out at certain times and she has to know abolsultey everywhere i go and she has to text me all the fucking time to make sure i'm doing what i've said i'm doing.

It's like i can never fucking get it right with her. I don't go out at all and she complains that i'm just "lolling" around doing fuck all, and then i go out all the time and she suspects i'm doing something else. I can't win. i want to get out of this fucking house. i'm so sick of it. i'm sick of having to keep so much shit secret from her. GAHH i can't WAIT to move out.

People say that when you are a teenager yeah you hate your mum and that but you always get over it and love her after it, but, what happens if you don't? what if all the STEREOTYPES are not right? What if the expected course of events turns out to be something so fucking different, does everyone still shove you in a stupid stereotype bracket then? What if you just hate her forever, and you just move on, pretneding you don't even have a mother. Does anyone care then? i really hate stereotypes. With a passion. i despise people who just assume things becuase that is what "everyone does/thinks/whatever" I hate the fact that at school, just becuase you forget one piece of hwrk or a pen or a book, you are automatically seen as lying and lazy and retarded. WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THAT. WE ARE HUMANS. Jesus Christ, how hard is it.

Sorry about all this swearing and ranting and whatnot, i'm just so angry and it's been building up for a long time.

I have so much more to say but no way to say it, so i'm just gonna leave it there.

more posts later, i expect.

Oh, and no pictures from today. didn't go out after all.



hannah